What are your values?

When I was in highschool, one day the topic of the class was about 'values'...we were given questions about what we value in life and why...it was interesting how everyone had different set of values and how that affected the way they lived....In fact it's a set of questions we must ask ourselves everyday because they shape every thought and every decision we make (and hopefully every action)...they shape who we are...

"what do I value?"....

"what matters to me the most?"....

"what are my priorities in life?"....

I value living for God and for Him only....

I value purity, honesty, sincerity, integrity...

I value love and forgiveness...modesty and humbleness...and many more things...

what are your values? 

Lessons from a rotten apple

Yesterday I had an apple..a small, ripe, yellowish-red apple ready to be eaten..

I was looking for a snack...and I saw my apple in my bag...

I took a bite, it was sweet like heaven...juicy and full of flavor...

I had a second bite...very satisfying...I was chewing fast, realizing how hungry I am...

Then a third bite...but this time the taste was different as I took a bigger bite...bitter...the apple was rotten on the inside...I looked at it...it was brown and disgusting...oh, in a moment, I was disappointed!

...

It brought me to think. At first the apple looked (and tasted) fine and even tempting but the core was another story.....Can that happen to people???.....

If the focus of our lives is centered on the look of things rather the core, what happens?

If all we care for is the external part of things, what happens to the internal state of things? 

...

We wash our bodies, our hands, our faces.....but don't we also need to wash our souls?....

If the body is neglected, it could catch a disease, but what happens to the soul if it's neglected?....

...

How can we "wash" or care for our souls?...

For me that would be to connect it with its only Source, the Creator of the soul and the Source of all souls, The Origin of every Soul...Perhaps a few moments of meditation on Him and remembering our Purpose, is the best soap for the soul....

Time to Re-start

Some days, you just can't do it...just can't focus and can't be as productive as you wish to be, as you planned...all you want is to not think, to just breathe...when I'm like that, there is a sad feeling too, from somewhere in my heart...it's lack of interest to do anything and a feeling of melancholy....

Whenever my phone slows down, I restart it...so do I when my mind is in that mood...I feel like we tend to open many small 'tabs' here and there in our minds and we fill it with different unnecessary thoughts and worries and anxieties that after a while, it can't take it anymore...then I know, it's time for a restart...I need to take a moment and close all the tabs...and see what I've been consciously and unconsciously telling myself...

The mind is a complex thing...it obeys what it is told...it becomes what you put in it often...it becomes your thoughts...and we sometimes forget that...to take time to clean it, to organize it, to let it breathe....

I restart by thinking about all that's been lingering on my mind for a while...yes thinking about them again to figure out why they matter, and what is not solved...I write down all the issues, problems, worries, or anything in my journal, then I compromise with myself...I make peace with all the situations I can't solve and I forget all the ones that are unimportant...I plan for the unfinished tasks and deadlines...so basically, I need to take time for my mind...and then, I feel refreshed....and I thank God for when I remember He is near me all the time, I am filled with all the love in the world...some days, it's okay to take it slowly and give yourself more time...

A productivity tip!

One thing I learned a while back which I didnt put to practise till today, was that eating lunch kills my productivity...that being said, I dont mean skipping lunch is a good idea, but having a stomach that is closer to empty than full may be a good way to avoid sleepiness during the work day and encourage focus and achievement...so today is the day and I am on my journey to a new habit: eating a small-portion of healthy lunch, to stop feeling hungry, yet keeping my mind alert! 

The first thing in the morning

Every day I wake up with a mood...sometimes I feel excited when I open my eyes in the morning, sometimes I feel nervous for the upcoming events of the day, and sometimes I feel sad...there are times I feel neutral too...well, apart from dreams and nightmares that leave a bit of a mood the morning after, there are other reasons why we may be feeling down in the morning...I have come to realize that having a daily purpose is a great way to control my mood and focus every day...I mean thinking about PURPOSE every single day, the first thing in the morning...because our attention and focus are limited, and we are easily distracted during the course of the day...

Sometimes, I used to find myself checking social media the first thing in the morning, hoping that an email got replied or someone posted on my wall, or simply if there was a new private message from a friend...I wouldn't do anything else before checking, and if there was something, I would get all excited and happy, but if there wasn't, I would feel down...it really isn't a big deal not having anything special going on in your social media, but it would, for some reason, hurt when there was nothing interesting happening when I checked...

perhaps because I had unconsciously depended on social media as a source of insight and spent lots of precious time there, as if the purpose of my day was tied to the social media...

I have found out, it is really motivating and energizing when I don't do anything else but simply set a daily purpose each day, the first thing...what that does, it helps me see from a bigger picture how that day is so significant and what I really want to accomplish that day, it helps me see how much I need to stay away from social media...no, it's not just about writing a to-do list for the day, although that's a part of it...it's simply thinking...what do I want to be doing the most part of my day or what big thing I want to work towards or achieve today?...this helps me think straight, and let go of all that is unnecessary....

We all have things we want to achieve, we all want to become better in a way, perhaps working on a talent, a new skill, or even self reflection or simply working on projects, homeworks, or other responsibilities...all of these require attention, a will to do, effort, and hope...I find that starting my day with a purpose helps me get closer to who and what I wish to become...

1.  I am forming a habit of NOT checking social media (that includes facebook, whatsapp, viber, email, and others) at least for the first hour in the morning..

2.  I wake up early and pray...this helps me work on my inner peace, assess my mood, and remember I have a day to get closer to my dreams...

3.  I think about my overall purpose and what I wish to spend most of my time and attention on for the day...

4.  I'm good to go on a day filled with peace and a strong will and determination, controlling how I divide my attention and what I base my mood on...

It has really changed my life...:)...but I'm not done, every day I have to choose again to do the best thing, and it doesn't come automatically...

take a step back

There is so much to life we forget about as we pass each moment...sometimes all it takes to remember all the great things in life is to take a step back...step back from what I do regularly....take a look at my life, me....witness myself as I go through my routine...am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Is there anything I'm missing? ... then I take the hard way and do what I don't wish to do...challenge myself....open my eyes and stop doing things I think I can't go without .... that opens my eyes ... to the reality ... 

The greatest supporter in the worlds

Dear God, Im caught guilty...of having this big dream...that I would find impossible if I didnt have you...so many times you have made impossibles possible for me...showing me that nothing is impossible when you want it for me...althoughy im an unworthy forgetful and sinful servant of yours...but you give not because of who I am but because of who you are...not because you need me, but because you love me...thank you...im privileged to have you and come to you for everything...I have a big dream that seems far away but I have a reallly greater God who is close...very close..so I ask, please help me realise my dream if its good for me...or help me be happy if it didnt come true because it wasnt good for me...I have no fear, no worry, no regret for I have a supporter who loves me endlessly...I am comforted...

I refuse...

I refuse to hang on to people...they are like vapor...they are not designed to be hold on to...I'm made to only hang on to God...

God, I hang on to you...everywhere, all the time, in all my ups and downs, good moments and guilty ones, I come to you...and you always welcome me with a warm embrace...write this on my forhead as I pass life, that I hang on only to youuuuuu....

Is it my part to control?

I've been thinking about 'what does it mean to be content?'...many times we have heard it is about being happy with what you got...I think it's true but has more depth to it than just that...I'm usually the person who makes it happen when I want something...Although there may be so many obstacles in my way, I've always loved to take the challenge and try really hard to get what I wanted-and I mostly got it, in different ways (sometimes I learnt after, I could have done better without getting what I desired most and ended up in a confused state!)...sometimes when I knew I'm pushing too hard, and perhaps the best way is not what I think it is, I still kept going...

I always thought I am the one in control, of course, God is monitoring everything too...

But it's an old philosophical argument of how much control does man really have? some say, destiny is already planned beforehand and we have no control...some say, everything is in our hands, and no force is at it...but some say it's a mixture of both...my decisions and control plus a destiny that has been somewhat determined...the latter sounds right to me...

Yet if it does, it means there is only so much I can control-or better said, I should try to control only so much...and depend on the so called destiny or the 'force' behind it to help me beyond that...well I call that force God...

Perhaps being content is not merely being happy with what you've got, but admitting that there is so much you must control, and doing your best at that, but being happy with the outcome, whatever it maybe...of course there are some conditions that need to be met...firstly, the belief in a personal God who is wise and have all power over your life...secondly, that He loves you and when you trust Him, you don't just say the word 'trust' with your mouth, but deeply believe in it with your heart...So the part you don't get to control is actually controlled by a loving, caring God, who knows what is best for you, and sees your efforts ceaselessly....I am content and calm, and I have felt so many times when God's hands were supporting me, sometimes when I was really desperate, down, or didn't expect a big help...I have witnessed miracles, and that is all because of Him...

It's not all about me...

Sometimes I'm so much into my own world, that I fail to recognise others'...that they have a world too...that their thoughts, perceptions, ideas, understanding, is all different...and they, just like me, have the right to that...

Sometimes I suddenly stop and tell myself: wait wait, maybe you need to stop thinking about you and your needs for a bit and consider what the person in front of you is going through...what does he/she need and what is he/she thinking about...how can you care for them and what can you do for the person...specially if thats a family member or a friend you treasure...

Today I realized it all again...I didnt notice...when I think I know a person so well and then suddenly boom! No I dont...how much do I really know? How much time did I spend knowing them for who they are actually?...and I felt sorry...but it isnt too late...

I'm usually not a selfish person, yet again there are moments I drown deep in my own world...

I more than exist...

I am not perfect...I make lots of mistakes daily...there is a lot I dont know and I may be wrong in many instances...thats the typical human...and I have come to a point where I believe life is not about becoming perfect...but striving to be better day after day...I like Miley Cyrus' song, The Climb...it's really the striving that matters...how hard I try...this very moment...how hard do I fight...the struggle...not being content with the easy way out...the easy way to live...but to struggle against myself to be better...perhaps thats what God is looking for in people..
Thats how I can help me.

A beautiful pain...

Love without expectation...without need...without want...is it possible?...to love a person just because they exist...they breathe...they are...although I wish to experience this love, I think I have a long way to learn what love is, exploring its depth...but perhaps, the pain that comes with love is a beautiful pain...but I dont know...

Nothing is absolute...

Moods change...we change...times change...habits, wants, and needs change...our views, expectations, perceptions, hopes, dreams, and even beliefs change...

One day we are so happy and everythings right...the moods great, energy at its best with lots of excitement and love...

One day it feels as if there is no hope left...the day is long, and feels dreadful, tears are falling, and your hearts aching, nothings going right and you dont know what to do...

It's just a cycle...of ups and downs...

So what does really matter, if we are all headed towards so much of change...

They say when your feeling any of the two extremes ( too happy or too sad ) make a visit to the cemetery...it will neutralize your mood as it reminds you that nothing is really important because no matter what, you'll end up under the ground like all the people who have died...no matter what situation youre going through, what is hurting you, or why youre feeling over the top, youre still gonna end up there...

Going to the cemetery makes my mind silent....I think about death....that it may come to me any moment....am I ready?...am I living the way I would if I knew I dont have much time left?...would I lament so much over small things and lose my chances and precious time if I knew when my time is up?...

Another question that knocks...how can I help make the death experience the best and the easiest it could be?...no matter what you believe to be true about God and the purpose of life, Im sure you agree that being a good person helps...being in a way I wont regret...

Nothing remains...sadness, happiness, days nights, all pass...

For me, its about this verse...

"What is the life of this world but play and amusement? But best is the Home in the Hereafter, for those who are righteous. Will ye not then understand?" (Quraan 6:32)

That which happens is not accidental

I've been through it many times...when I have my own plans and think any other way would hurt...but life has proven many things wont go according to my plans...and although it hurts at times, I cant deny that what I abhor, may actually be good for me to experience...

I was hurt by somebody a few days ago...

Thinking that the person is not good anymore and I was mistaken...but last night, a thought came to me...if it wasnt for being hurt, I wouldnt have known how wrong I have been...I wouldnt have known who I was going to trust...and I would have gone the wrong way...

So I felt thankful for the person who hurt me...

Sometimes what we think is good for us is not good indeed and what we think is bad for us is actually good...could be a wake-up call, a reminder, or any other lesson we have to learn to move on....

A peek through my daily journal

I write a lot sometimes..I plan, set goals, make lists, reflect on my feelings and the past events, describe memories in detail, envision my dreams and hopes, take out my confusion on paper, struggle with words, take notes of whatever I learn and find interesting, try to understand what is holding me back shuffling through my mind...all with words...of course privately in many small notebooks and papers all around my room, stuck on the walls, piled up on my desk, sometimes folded inside the books I used to read, or lost in a corner of my bag to be found later..

I keep a separate journal in which I write only about who I want and wish to be as a person always...and updating it everyday helps in knowing exactly what I'm after...sooo, here's what I wrote today...(the words are as they come to my mind; when you write for you, there is no reason to follow any order, or need to make perfect sense....just freely write it out as it flows)...

I am
peaceful, happy, strong, forgiving,
non-judgmental, patient, physically-fit.

I am
educated, sensible, mature, wise, kind.

I am
determined, beautiful, attractive, cute.

I am 
a doer, an achiever, adventurous, excited.

I am 
just, charismatic, humble, helpful, lovely.

I am 
a gift, a role model, a servant of God, 
a visitor in the world.

I am 
perseverant, diligent, hard-working,
caring, sympathetic.

I am 
a family person, a lover, a leader.

I am
a person with purpose,
on a way to please God.

In the same journal, I note 10 reasons I'm happy that day...from small things like a smile from a friend to big things like having no physical pain or submitting that article I've been working on for a while....all need to be mentioned so I don't take anything for granted :)

More than a claim...

I always wonder when a person likes some thing or someone so much as to call it love, would they be able to sacrifice for that thing or person? Or is it really 'love' if I won't change me, tackle challenges, adapt my lifestyle, do whatever I shall, for the sake of what I love? How deep do we really think about the word 'love'?Or is it just enough to like something a lot without wanting to 'do' anything to achieve it, keep it, appreciate it, or just for the sake of love itself?...

Old Persian sayings have that man becomes a real man when he falls in love...perhaps because love is demanding...in order to get what you 'can't live without', you must be molded...must be good enough...and I'm not talking about a typical "I love you" we may tell others as a common thing...but the love that changes, molds, humbles, takes you up and down, squeezes you, makes you cry, gives you so much hope that you don't see its end..the love that CHANGES you, makes you reflect upon you and your ways...and do what it takes, no matter what, to be worthy of that...of course I'm not just thinking about love between people but also things...if you love art, you'll do anything to be a great artist, an art admirer, whose artistic nature is transparent through his appearance...or if a girl wishes to be attractive, she does anything, sometimes painful, to get there...

Today, I was thinking I say I love my parents, I love to be a knowledgeable and strong believer, I like to be physically fit and strong, and many other goals that I have...but the extent of my love is...perhaps how much time I spend on each of them...It's easy to claim I love my parents...but do I really?...so if they are so valuable to me, how much of my daily time am I spending on them?...same goes for other things and people...It's easy to say "I love"...but a measure of how I really love is what I do for that person or thing or goal...and to what extent will I go to change to cater to that love....

Talking is easy...but actions are valuable...they say if you wish to know your true friends, see who sticks by you in a difficult situation, when it's easier for them not to stay with you, but they do it anyways...or they say if you want to know if a person likes you a lot, see whether he or she is willing to give you something that is most precious to him or  her...or if they are not rich but they spend their money or what they got for you...

I was rethinking about how I spend my days, and whether I spend my moments for what I claim to love or like a lot...

The biggest dream

Lots of dreams play around in my imagination...taking me to different places times feelings...im longing to touch them all in reality and see them become real....a beautiful rainy day and colorful flowers around me...Im really excited and energetic today to run after that butterfly and see where it goes...to smell the air and dance with the wind...

Walking under the rain singing and laughing with my favorite hazelnut ice blended...getting totally wet and cold...aahh my soul is breathing...I am a free bird...

Above all my dreams, I have a dream worth all these moments...a thirst, a desire, a passion...all the beauties of the world in the same feeling...as drops of rain fall on me, Im looking at the sky...I want you...I want to fall in love...no matter what it takes...no matter where I go, what I do, I long for you...to meet you...to feel you...to cry happy tears...you are the one who owns my heart and you see me through good and bad, happy and sad...you fill me...though Im not worthy enough....God, this passion is yours...Im yours...I belong with You...

Miracles do happen!

I was so fortunate that last night to my surprise my files could be retrieved all safely, praise be to God...its a simple thing yet not simple at all..I make a mistake, fall in despair regretful of how I let the hard disk drop at of my hands...and all the files lost...and then a few hours later everything is back in front of me...and Im happy again...so what is really in my control? My happiness ? My sadness ? The things I have and belong to me ? The people I love ? Or me...do I have complete control over me?....or perhaps...am in in complete power over my things and my surroundings?...no...although I may think at times I am in power and I am great...but really to what degree is that true?....If an earthquake comes tomorrow and my house is all destroyed, or if I happen to be on the beach when a tsunami hits...am I really that great? Can I even be sure whether I live another moment?...it just reminds me of this verse:

 O mankind! A parable has been made, so listen to it: Verily, those on whom you call besides God, cannot create a fly, even though they combine together for the purpose. And if the fly snatches away a thing from them, they will have no power to release it from the fly. So weak are the seeker and the sought   Quran 22:73

A heavy heart

It hurts...when something you have put your energy and time into keeping is destroyed and gone...I dropped my hard disk on the floor and everything happened so quickly I couldnt event stop it from falling...and all my back up and documents and photos are probably gone forever...Really why are we so dependent on the world and its things that we feel so helpless when something is taken away?...is that how God wants us to be? Easily shaken? Or how are we to relate to our worldly things in a way that we dont depend on them so much and we realize nothing is infinite...just like how I lost my back up, I may lose many other things in the future...or sadly the people I love.. thats just the way of life...so a thought for me, how are we to live so that we dont depend so much on the world?