A peek through my daily journal

I write a lot sometimes..I plan, set goals, make lists, reflect on my feelings and the past events, describe memories in detail, envision my dreams and hopes, take out my confusion on paper, struggle with words, take notes of whatever I learn and find interesting, try to understand what is holding me back shuffling through my mind...all with words...of course privately in many small notebooks and papers all around my room, stuck on the walls, piled up on my desk, sometimes folded inside the books I used to read, or lost in a corner of my bag to be found later..

I keep a separate journal in which I write only about who I want and wish to be as a person always...and updating it everyday helps in knowing exactly what I'm after...sooo, here's what I wrote today...(the words are as they come to my mind; when you write for you, there is no reason to follow any order, or need to make perfect sense....just freely write it out as it flows)...

I am
peaceful, happy, strong, forgiving,
non-judgmental, patient, physically-fit.

I am
educated, sensible, mature, wise, kind.

I am
determined, beautiful, attractive, cute.

I am 
a doer, an achiever, adventurous, excited.

I am 
just, charismatic, humble, helpful, lovely.

I am 
a gift, a role model, a servant of God, 
a visitor in the world.

I am 
perseverant, diligent, hard-working,
caring, sympathetic.

I am 
a family person, a lover, a leader.

I am
a person with purpose,
on a way to please God.

In the same journal, I note 10 reasons I'm happy that day...from small things like a smile from a friend to big things like having no physical pain or submitting that article I've been working on for a while....all need to be mentioned so I don't take anything for granted :)

More than a claim...

I always wonder when a person likes some thing or someone so much as to call it love, would they be able to sacrifice for that thing or person? Or is it really 'love' if I won't change me, tackle challenges, adapt my lifestyle, do whatever I shall, for the sake of what I love? How deep do we really think about the word 'love'?Or is it just enough to like something a lot without wanting to 'do' anything to achieve it, keep it, appreciate it, or just for the sake of love itself?...

Old Persian sayings have that man becomes a real man when he falls in love...perhaps because love is demanding...in order to get what you 'can't live without', you must be molded...must be good enough...and I'm not talking about a typical "I love you" we may tell others as a common thing...but the love that changes, molds, humbles, takes you up and down, squeezes you, makes you cry, gives you so much hope that you don't see its end..the love that CHANGES you, makes you reflect upon you and your ways...and do what it takes, no matter what, to be worthy of that...of course I'm not just thinking about love between people but also things...if you love art, you'll do anything to be a great artist, an art admirer, whose artistic nature is transparent through his appearance...or if a girl wishes to be attractive, she does anything, sometimes painful, to get there...

Today, I was thinking I say I love my parents, I love to be a knowledgeable and strong believer, I like to be physically fit and strong, and many other goals that I have...but the extent of my love is...perhaps how much time I spend on each of them...It's easy to claim I love my parents...but do I really?...so if they are so valuable to me, how much of my daily time am I spending on them?...same goes for other things and people...It's easy to say "I love"...but a measure of how I really love is what I do for that person or thing or goal...and to what extent will I go to change to cater to that love....

Talking is easy...but actions are valuable...they say if you wish to know your true friends, see who sticks by you in a difficult situation, when it's easier for them not to stay with you, but they do it anyways...or they say if you want to know if a person likes you a lot, see whether he or she is willing to give you something that is most precious to him or  her...or if they are not rich but they spend their money or what they got for you...

I was rethinking about how I spend my days, and whether I spend my moments for what I claim to love or like a lot...

The biggest dream

Lots of dreams play around in my imagination...taking me to different places times feelings...im longing to touch them all in reality and see them become real....a beautiful rainy day and colorful flowers around me...Im really excited and energetic today to run after that butterfly and see where it goes...to smell the air and dance with the wind...

Walking under the rain singing and laughing with my favorite hazelnut ice blended...getting totally wet and cold...aahh my soul is breathing...I am a free bird...

Above all my dreams, I have a dream worth all these moments...a thirst, a desire, a passion...all the beauties of the world in the same feeling...as drops of rain fall on me, Im looking at the sky...I want you...I want to fall in love...no matter what it takes...no matter where I go, what I do, I long for you...to meet you...to feel you...to cry happy tears...you are the one who owns my heart and you see me through good and bad, happy and sad...you fill me...though Im not worthy enough....God, this passion is yours...Im yours...I belong with You...